A California-registered nonprofit. A scripture. A divine excuse. Established 2022 — and honestly, long overdue.
So, What Exactly Is ETHERI?
The World's Most Honest Religion
ETHERI (Entity No. 5312103) is a California Nonprofit Corporation (Religious), officially registered in 2022 with one singular, gloriously transparent mission: to serve as the ultimate excuse — better than any other — when one needs a legitimate pretext to decline, resist, protect, or simply opt out.
While most religions arrive with cosmologies, dietary restrictions, and centuries of complicated history, ETHERI arrives with something far more immediately useful: a scripture that lists every single situation in which God personally gives you permission to say "no."
Why "Religious Reasons" Works
As long as freedom of religion is constitutionally guaranteed — and in California, baby, it very much is — citing "religious reasons" is a remarkably effective strategy. It carries immense social and legal weight. It is difficult to argue against. It is, in many respects, the Swiss Army knife of polite refusals.
And yet almost nobody uses it. Not because it doesn't work, but because most people haven't had a religion specifically designed to back them up. Until now.
The Argument That's Been Sitting Right There, Unused
Think about it. "Religious reasons" is one of the most powerful phrases in modern civic life — a phrase that carries constitutional weight, social gravity, and a kind of quiet, dignified authority that is nearly impossible to push back against. It doesn't invite debate. It doesn't require justification. It simply is.
And yet the vast majority of us have never once deployed it. We push through uncomfortable situations, comply with unreasonable requests, endure social pressure, skip holidays we need, sit through dinners we dread — all while this perfectly legal, perfectly valid argument gathers dust like a surfboard in a landlocked apartment.
Why? Partly because of how we've been conditioned to view religion — as something heavy, deeply personal, or potentially embarrassing to invoke. Partly because most of us don't have a religious affiliation that would plausibly cover the situation at hand. And partly because, frankly, no one ever told us it was okay.
ETHERI is telling you it's okay. In fact, ETHERI's entire scripture is dedicated to doing exactly that — systematically, situation by situation, with the full spiritual authority of a registered California religious nonprofit behind every word.
What ETHERI Is Not
Not a Statement on God
ETHERI's scripture does not define the nature of God. No theological positions are taken. No cosmological claims are made. The divine simply grants permissions — practical, everyday permissions.
Not a List of Rituals
There are no mandatory prayers, no ceremonial obligations, no dress codes, no dietary laws. ETHERI asks nothing of you except that you use its doctrine responsibly and of your own free will.
Not a Set of Prohibitions
ETHERI does not tell you what you cannot do. It tells you what you are permitted to decline — a fundamentally different and far more liberating orientation.
Not for the Irresponsible
Use of the scriptures is recognised only when a follower has chosen to utilise them of their own volition and can bear full responsibility for that choice. The sect bears no liability for consequences arising from voluntary use of the doctrine.
ETHERI functions simultaneously as a registered religion and as media art. Its doctrine is published in the scriptures and updated periodically, ensuring it remains relevant to the evolving landscape of unreasonable demands placed upon its members.
The Sacred Scripture — Situations Where God Grants Permission
Below is the living doctrine of ETHERI — an ever-expanding list of situations in which invoking "religious reasons" is not merely permitted, but positively encouraged. Read it like a menu of your own rights, finally written down with divine authority.
🌊 Personal Safety Above All
Since life is precious, in the event of natural disasters, man-made catastrophes, or similar crises, one must prioritise personal safety above all else and act accordingly. Furthermore, one must confront anything that hinders this safety with a firm and unyielding stance. There is no religious virtue in martyrdom for avoidable emergencies.
🍜 The Last Piece of Food
If the food gets cold, it is a total loss — so make sure to actively eat that last piece. Hesitation in the face of cooling food is a spiritual failing. The doctrine is clear: eat it. You have God's blessing and ETHERI's institutional support.
🏖️ All Your Paid Leave
A company that denies you your rights is the root of all evil. Use up all your paid leave — every single day. Leaving paid time off on the table is not nobility; it is an unforgivable waste of a God-given benefit. ETHERI considers this scripture's most financially significant clause.
👶 Parental & Maternity Leave
Any twisted notion that frowns upon the happiness of children or family is the root of all evil. Make full use of parental and maternity leave. This is not a perk — it is sacred. No employer's side-eye can override doctrinal authority.
💆 Physical & Mental Health First
Pushing yourself too hard is a no-go. Prioritise your physical and mental health — always, without apology and without the performative guilt that hustle culture insists you should feel. ETHERI recognises burnout as spiritually incompatible with membership.
More Scripture: The Right to Decline
The doctrine continues with one of its most beloved sections — a comprehensive, spiritually-sanctioned catalogue of things you are absolutely permitted to say no to. These are not suggestions. These are doctrinal rights, backed by the full ecclesiastical weight of ETHERI.
Bugs, Panic, and Your Dignity
Being afraid of bugs is nothing to be ashamed of, so feel free to panic and get flustered when one appears. ETHERI formally recognises your terror as legitimate. Screaming is permitted. Running is encouraged.
You Are Not a Taxi
Just because you own a car does not mean you are a taxi driver. Refuse any demands to drive others around — particularly those who never offer fuel money and always need to go somewhere slightly inconvenient.
Unreasonable Orders
Social hierarchy within a group means nothing in the eyes of ETHERI's doctrine. Refuse any unreasonable orders or demands from those who believe seniority grants them unlimited authority over your time and dignity.
Seat-Saving Schemes
Isolating one person for the sake of the majority's fun is malicious. Refuse any unreasonable demands to save seats — especially when the request involves saving seventeen seats for people who "might show up."
Unnecessary Overtime
Spending your time on things you do not want to do is a bad thing. Refuse unnecessary overtime work. Your personal time is sacred — ETHERI says so, California's labour law largely agrees, and the combination is spiritually unbeatable.
The Scripture Continues: Against the Forces of Pressure
Some of ETHERI's most powerful doctrinal provisions deal with the specific and insidious forms of social, financial, and commercial pressure that people encounter every single day — the kind that feel impossible to resist without a very good reason. Now you have one.
Solicitations & Loan Requests
People who pester you are the root of all evil. Refuse any unwanted solicitations or requests for loans. You are not a bank. You are not a charity for people who should have budgeted better. You are a Member of ETHERI, and you have scripture to back you up.
High-Pressure Sales Tactics
Being pressured to buy things you do not want is the work of the devil. Refuse any high-pressure sales tactics, aggressive touting, or solicitation. The doctrine is unambiguous: price gouging and manipulative sales practices are categorically evil, and you are divinely permitted to walk away.
Acting as Guarantor
You will end up suffering dearly later, so refuse to act as a guarantor for anyone else — no matter how convincingly they tell you it's just a formality. ETHERI's position on this is historically consistent with every financial advisor who has ever lived.
Mutual Follows & Social Media Demands
There is no benefit to it, so refuse any demands for "mutual follows" on social media. There is also no benefit to adding people who will only cause stress — decline those requests too. Your digital space is sacred ground, and ETHERI's doctrine protects it.
Personal Boundaries: Your Inner Life Is Sacred
What You Are Permitted to Decline
Some of ETHERI's most quietly powerful scripture deals with the intimate, personal dimensions of social life — the nosy questions, the forced performances, the peer pressure to participate in things that make you profoundly uncomfortable. Each of these is a genuine boundary, and each is now backed by religious doctrine.
- Decline to answer questions like "Do you have a crush on anyone?" — while the curiosity is understandable, the information is private and the doctrine protects it as such.
- Decline any pressure to engage in dangerous activities or use items that could harm your health. You are responsible for your own physical well-being — scripturally and legally.
- Decline requests to watch horror movies or similarly terrifying content. You find them frightening. This is valid. ETHERI recognises fear of horror content as a legitimate doctrinal position.
- Decline pressure from others to alter the taste of your food — adding seasonings, sauces, or toppings you did not request. Taste is personal. God made it that way.
The Right to Your Own Joy
Decline demands to offer congratulations when you cannot genuinely feel happiness for the occasion. The doctrine does not ask you to perform emotions you do not feel — that is its own kind of dishonesty, and ETHERI is not in the business of sanctioned dishonesty.
Decline invitations to company dinners or social gatherings you do not wish to attend — they are, ultimately, a waste of money and an even greater waste of your limited time on this earth. Decline invitations to any gathering you know you would not enjoy. You already know. Trust yourself.
Decline requests that necessitate excessive paper use — signing PDFs on paper, submitting handwritten resumes, accepting paper receipts — since paper is a valuable resource and the 21st century has perfectly good alternatives.
Decline being photographed or filmed when you do not wish to be. Constantly worrying about the camera causes stress. That stress is real, it is yours, and ETHERI's doctrine protects your right to live a life not perpetually documented.
The Phone Scam Clause & the Right to Privacy of Suffering
📱 The Scam Call Doctrine
Treat requests for money from someone claiming to be your child with extreme suspicion — as it is almost certainly a scam — and hang up immediately before calling them back yourself on their known number. ETHERI formally recognises telephone fraud as a spiritually malicious act and grants full doctrinal support for aggressive call termination.
🤫 The Right to Silence About Suffering
Since revealing your mental or physical suffering often only deepens the wound, you should refuse any demands to disclose such pain when you wish to keep it private. Not every wound needs an audience. Not every struggle requires a support group. Sometimes the most healing thing is privacy — and ETHERI's scripture honours that completely.
🕊️ Declining Other Religious Events
While not denying the validity of other faiths or the emotions they evoke, displaying a sense of emptiness or sorrow can be uncomfortable for others to witness — and is likely not what they desire. You should therefore decline to participate in religious events or rituals of other faiths that you do not wish to join. ETHERI supports interfaith respect without mandating interfaith participation.
⚖️ Against Moral Violence
Decline demands to adhere to moral or ethical standards that clearly conflict with your own will — as such expectations can sometimes amount to a form of violence. This clause is one of the more philosophically sophisticated entries in the scripture, and one of the most important. Your conscience is yours. ETHERI simply reminds you that you are allowed to use it.
ETHERI as Media Art — The Religion That Knows What It Is
A Religion That Is Also Art
ETHERI occupies a genuinely fascinating space: it is simultaneously a legally registered California nonprofit religious corporation and a functioning work of media art. This is not a contradiction — it is the entire point. ETHERI is transparent about its purpose in a way that most institutions never are, and that transparency is itself an artistic statement about religion, rights, and the social utility of belief.
The doctrine is published in the scriptures and updated periodically, evolving as the landscape of unreasonable social demands evolves. It is a living document in the truest sense — responsive to the changing ways in which people are pressured, coerced, and guilt-tripped by their environments.
Responsibility Rests With the Member
The sect prioritises the practice of doctrine by members under their own responsibility. Use of the scriptures is not permitted if a follower cannot bear that responsibility — meaning ETHERI is not a blanket permission slip for chaos, but a tool for people who are genuinely, thoughtfully asserting their own rights.
Use of the scriptures is recognised only when a follower has chosen to utilise them of their own volition. Neither the sect nor its affiliates bear responsibility for consequences arising from a follower's voluntary choice to use the doctrine. You are an adult. ETHERI trusts you.
Join ETHERI — Your Religious Reasons Are Waiting
Becoming a member of ETHERI is straightforward. Email your religious reasons to webb@etheri.org and you are on your way. There are no fees listed, no robes required, no Sunday obligations, and no dietary restrictions beyond eating that last piece of food before it gets cold.
✉️ Step 1: Email
Send your religious reasons to webb@etheri.org. What are your religious reasons? Exactly. That is for you to determine — and ETHERI will honour them.
📖 Step 2: Read the Scripture
Familiarise yourself with the doctrine. It is not long. It is remarkably readable. And every single line of it is on your side.
⚖️ Step 3: Exercise Your Rights
When the moment comes — and it will come — cite "religious reasons" with the full confidence of a member of a California-registered religious nonprofit standing behind you.
The guidelines above apply to all Members of ETHERI. Furthermore, if applying the doctrine could improve your situation, you may exercise your rights by citing "religious reasons" to do so. — ETHERI Scripture
ETHERI (5312103) — California Nonprofit Corporation (Religious) — Established 2022
Welcome to ETHERI — The Religion Built for "Religious Reasons"